Pre-Pro, ie. pre-production, or in my case, quite literally: pre- being a pro.
But that’s rather the point of making this film, aside from the desire to tell the story itself: taking on a project that will hopefully be a catalyst to push me further from the pre- and closer to the pro.
I’m suddenly faced with terrifying new possibilities and no more excuses, I now finally have the time, resources and support to make exactly the film I want to make.
So now, with two months before shooting is to begin, I am running around to production meetings, breaking down scripts into shot lists, creating schedules. I’m also wishing I’d paid more attention in my high school math classes which I’d sworn I would never find useful (since I’d be going into film and not finance). Not that I now am looking at finance as a back-up career (though in my more panic stricken moments I’ve thought about diving into psychiatry). I do happen to have a rather annoying problem to solve, involving trains and time. My options: A. sit down at a train track crossing all day and wait for the train to pass so that I might record the time, B. find out the distance between the train’s starting point and the crossing I want to film, then using the high-school math I didn’t pay attention to, the starting time and the speed of the train, figure out what approximate time it’ll reach the crossing, or C. rewrite that scene not to require a freight train in the first place.
Unfortunately, I like to make things difficult for myself, so C isn’t going to be an option.
I’ve started getting confirmations for crew, and the next big task for me will be locationing. Finding a house to work in will be both pivitol (since so much of the film takes place in Scott’s house) and one of the more difficult tasks I have, since most of the shooting will be at night and therefore inconvenient for whosever house we are using. The logistical things are just a matter of steady work. When it comes to the day we begin shooting though, I will have a slew of decisions in every scale of detail. Those are the decisions that haunt my thoughts at the moment.
Have you seen “A Beautiful Mind”? Crowe’s character is followed by his hallucinated friends that hang around in the background, but never really leave him, even after he’s regained his so-called sanity. That’s Scott and Jesse for me at the moment. I practically have conversations with them about their histories, their personalities, their habits, as I drive to the grocery store. You could call me the nosy chauffer. (Don’t worry, I’m not actually hallucinating Scott and Jesse in the backseat of my car–when that happens, I’ll probably have to stop driving for fear of causing major accidents). It is a real balance that must be struck, between details and the bigger picture though. Not to loose the story for the details, nor to loose the details that give humanity to the story. I hope that in the end, if the characters that I’ve written are real enough, alive enough, then the story will emerge as any story would unfold between two people thrown together by circumstance.
So. Nerves I have plenty, because finally getting the chance to prove oneself comes with the chance of failing to prove onesself. But with those anxieties comes a great deal more excitement at the freedom of exploration, and the realisation that this type of work is exactly the kind that stretches me in all the directions that I love; creatively, intellectually and organisationally. Plus, directing allowes me to exercise a tiny smidgen of that childhood trait of mine: bossiness.
I am finally making though. And the experience is like one of falling in love: giddy, tingling, light touches of butterfly wings fanning my centre, and the pounding of a heart which is either a product of excitement or of sheer terror.